holding babies too much
Is it actually possible to hold your baby too much?
My fiance thinks I’m spoiling our two week old daughter. I hold her frequently throughout the day, and lie down with her as well (not sleeping, just lying down when we both get tired in the daytime). I also pick her up and hold her every time she cries. I’m actually holding her right now (don’t worry, I have a tight hold on her. It’s just hard to type).
I read you can’t spoil babies (at least until they’re six months old), but he swears he can see it. He thinks she cries more because she knows she’ll get my attention and get held that way.
I just don’t see the problem. He thinks that when I go back to work it’ll be hard/hurtful for her because she won’t be able to be held as much because her grandmother won’t want to hold her as much as I do.
Have any of you dealt with this before? Do you think he’s right or is he just seeing what he wants to see?
I personally don’t believe (after three daughters) that there is any chance of spoiling them this young, BUT I also don’t believe that there’s any particular age that spoiling can begin, either. I ALWAYS picked up my children within 30 seconds or so of fussing, not even crying yet, and I believe it’s a good thing to do so, too, because it’s the easiest way for mom and baby to bond, and for mom to learn what high-pitched squeal -vs- gradual whiny fussing means.
Baby’s only means of communicating is to cry, therefore, your job as Mommy is to answer her call, and fix what is wrong. It won’t take long before you know what she wants before she makes much noise. Anytime she cries, you’ll probably have to pick her up to “fix her problem”, anyway, whether it’s to change her diaper, feed her, change her clothes, swaddle her, etc., so it will actually ensure her that Mommy (or someone) will always be there for her, and will make her more comfortable and independent in her own surroundings. On the other hand, I do think that many times it is harder to get a child to sleep on their own if you continually hold them while they sleep, rather than putting them down in their bed. But as far as being awake and spoiled, it’s not possible.
My best advice when it comes to picking them up when they cry is this: When you start to feel comfortable that you and your baby have a good line of communication, and that she knows you’ll be there when she needs you, start letting her fuss just a LITTLE bit more than usual, even if it’s only by a few seconds each time. She won’t notice a difference, and eventually, instead of expecting you to be there RIGHT when she cries, she’ll have the patience to stay in her crib and play quietly for 5 or 10 minutes and still be confident that you’ll be there. After all, once she’s a few months older, and sleeping better daily and nightly, you can’t always get away from a chore right away during naptime!
Good luck with everything!
dadlabs Does DC, Interviews Preemie Doc
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